Dear Mr. Klitzman, Again

The Daily Princetonian Sports Editors respond to a Daily Pennslyvanian blog post, which was a response to Daily Princetonian column, which was itself a response to a Daily Pennslyvanian column.

Dear Mr. Klitzman,

Well, this has been fun. It's been a while since we've been able to banter back-and-forth with a skilled verbal pugilist such as yourself. But this is the last thing we are going to say on the issue, partially because — as you said — it is foolish for us to even attempt an argument with someone who scored an 800 on the verbal section of his SATs. More importantly, though, we just don't care all that much about you, your basketball team or the rest of your athletic program.

There is no Penn-Princeton rivalry, and there will not be one anytime in the immediate-future. Why? Because you simply are not on our level. There is a reason Princeton has a bonfire each time our football team beats Yale and Harvard. And why the big Ivy League track and swimming meets are called HYPs. Yes, in case you are wondering, that P stands for Princeton.
Penn is largely an afterthought in Ivy athletics. Sure, your wrestling program is storied. And yes, you beat our sprint football team soundly every year. But, in measuring tradition – your word not mine – there is no comparison.
As for your "corrections" to our column earlier in the week, we felt the need to clarify a few points …

• The Prince does not use italics – not for publications and not for emphasis. If you find that unprofessional, we can give you the email address for our Board of Trustees, feel free to take it up with them. Just a suggestion: be sure to mention in your complaint that you got an 800 verbal on your SATs, that stuff really impresses here at Princeton.
• Our column never states that squash is an NCAA sport, or that the women's squash team's victory was an NCAA title. (How did you manage that 800 if you skipped the reading comprehension portions?) Had we made that mistake, we would have mistakenly said that we have 40 more NCAA championships than you, not just 18.
• And no, our analogy was not meant to imply that Penn "owns" the Tigers. Just look at the history of our two athletic programs. For someone who got an 800 verbal on his SATs, the analogy should be fairly clear.
• Correction: Penn basketball is 22-16 since Jadwin opened. But "Space Mountain" houses a lot of other sports. Ask your squash teams how it feels coming to Jadwin every year.
• As for your hockey excuse, we recommend you take a look at our men's team — it's currently ranked No. 6 in the nation. We do play hockey down here, YOU don't. Or, to be more accurate, you did. Until your varsity program folded a few years back. Sorry about that.
• Thanks for the link to maddox.xmission.com, but I prefer to take my writing advice from someone who doesn't write posts titled "the iPod is a piece of sh*t and so is your face." But you stick with it, it works for you.
• Your website said Tuesday's game was "one of the best Penn-Princeton games in years." Is sloppiness a prerequisite?
• I actually did mean Time, but you bring up a good point. Sports Illustrated thinks we're pretty damn good too.

So this is it. We're done. Feel free to respond once again, but you won't be seeing another one from us. We'll leave you with one final suggestion: Though you may feel the urge to respond, we suggest you instead engage that 800 verbal-brain into writing an apology to the founders of firejoemorgan.com. Their creation was too great to be bastardized by you in some petty column. Perhaps you should start like this…

"Dear Dak, Junior and Mr. Tremendous,

Even though I got an 800 verbal on my SATs, I am writing this email to apologize…"

Yours truly,
The Sports Editors of The Daily Princetonian