Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Eminem Takes Daughter Hailie on Orange Key Tour

Yesterday rapper Marshall Mathers, better known as Eminem, was spotted on an Orange Key tour with his daughter Hailie. "Goodness knows, they grow up so fast!" said Mathers to one of the other parents on the tour. Mathers was polite during the tour, although for a minute it looked like there might be a problem when the tour guide chose to answer another prospective student's question before Hailie's. Mathers started muttering the lyrics to "Bitch Please II" under his breath while the guide explained how she received a 2400 on her SATs. Mathers stayed after the tour to inquire about the University's financial aid policy. "I'm from Eight Mile, where kids don't have a lot. How can I afford to send my daughter to college?" The tour guide explained Princeton's grant based financial aid program before taking a moment to remind the rapper of his status as top selling artist of the decade. "It's a recession, man," said Mathers, before taking out his empty pistol and shaking it around at the ground.

Mathers is one of the candidates under consideration for an Honorary degree from the University this year for his brilliant work on his new album "Recovery." Rumor has it that he may also be the keynote speaker.

-The Blogstressed

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Airport Security Measures Across the Globe

By Aaron Applbaum '14

Traveling this winter break brought to my attention a curious yet sensical state of affairs. I am referring to the variance in transportation security precautions taken by various airports around the globe. I was, last week, in Cartagena, Colombia. Upon leaving the country I was allowed to walk through the metal detectors with shoes and carrying a bottle of water that I had procured outside of the airport. My bag was filled with various liquids, and colloids such as contact-lens solution and toothpaste. I had far exceeded the US regulations, but the security detail paid no heed. The Colombian equivalent of TSA, however, did something that a US TSA worker would never even considered doing. They poked holes in all of my suitcases.

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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

'05 Alums on a Boat...Their Sex Contest E-Mails Leaked to Jezebel

Robert Huber '05, a State Department employee, Adam Wible '05, and Ian McHenry '05 have been traveling the world in a yacht and having lots of sex. Their e-mail chain, which was leaked to Jezebel, describes their competition to have sex with as many women as possible. The alums make great sacrifices just to remain competitive. For example, in an e-mail sent on Monday, Oct 11, Robert Huber explained his choice to sleep with a particular woman: "the only reason i'm even considering it is because i need to do something to keep my numbers up. sadly, not all of us can slog tiny japanese girls. ok, fine, all of us can, but you have more variety." No wonder Princeton gets a rep for being so competitive. Some may perceive the e-mail chain as racist and sexist, considering its extensive objectification of women and racial profiling. These people may be right. But the scariest issue of all is that this e-mail chain was supposedly private domain. So watch out what you write or forward to "friends" in e-mails, especially if you want to run for public office. Holding this contest via telephone would have been a much better bet.

-The Blogstress