Bring Out Yer Dead, Tigers

By Claudia Park '13

12:20 a.m. Take Tylenol Severe Cold Multi-Symptom pills. Hop into bed, pull covers snugly up to chin.

1:48 a.m. Wake up. Body racked with coughs. Reach for bottle of water sitting next to bed, hoping for relief from scratchy throat. Heave a sigh (only though the mouth, my nose is completely blocked). Mucous. Mucous. Mucosa. Hear a fellow hacker down the hall. Don't feel so alone.

3:06 a.m. One night of unbroken REM sleep is too much to ask. Someone is sandpapering my throat. Decide to make tea. Stumble out of bed and down Annex hallway to student kitchen. Admire my newly purchased Small World mug. Make tea. Zombie-walk back to room. Heave myself back into bed. Bed shakes. Mug falls. Drop F-bomb for the hallway's enjoyment. The mug is still beautiful. One more extra-nasal sigh.

3:56 a.m. Beg sleep god for mercy.

4:23 a.m. Why? Pourquoi? Warum?

5:09 a.m. Decide to make Pro/Con sheet for colds.

PROS:

-Auto excuse for "taking it easy"

-Plugged nostrils make for better Jonas Brother renditions.

CONS:

-Instant people repellant and proximity establisher

-Near choking experiences when swallowing pills.

-Perpetual dripping snot. Trumpet calls when blowing nose.

-Awkward for precepts.

-B r O k E n S l E e P.

Conclusion: Colds suck. Use protection (Vitamin C).