Wednesday, February 27, 2008

He's just not that into you.

Recently, I had this really awkward conversation with my suitemates, and we have kind of formed factions within our suite due to room draw. I don't really know much about the process, but I do know it has made my suite a generally awkward place to be. So, of course, after having this little break up conversation, I realized that I wish things had gone differently. So, here's what I would have done, if I had the chance to do it over:

  1. Do it face to face. Make sure you have enough time for a long conversation, and a fair amount of emotion. Don't be afraid to show emotion yourself, but remain resolute -- wavering will make the situation worse.
  2. Blame everything on yourself or on the relationship itself. Don't blame him/her. So if you're breaking up with him/her because they were cheating, instead of saying "I'm breaking up with you because you're a cheating jerk" say something like "I feel insecure all the time, and need some time alone to regain my confidence."
  3. Lay out your reasons honestly. Presumably you're breaking up with them for non-hurtful reasons. Let them know why, explain it thoroughly. You get huge bonus points if they say things like "I understand" or "maybe this is the best thing to do." If your reasons are hurtful, like "I never loved you," make your reasons general and nonspecific. Such as, "I feel really apart with the world and the people around me, and want to reconnect with it."
  4. Be understanding of their feelings and let them tell you all the reasons you're wrong. In the end though, remain firm, and keep them aware that it's "something you need to do for yourself."
  5. Give them the space to be angry. Very angry. And hurt. Don't try to tell them that they are wrong for feeling so. They will get over it eventually.
  6. Be humble. Not proud. Take no joy in what you're doing, and try to be compassionate (but not intimate).
  7. Let them determine when the conversation is over. Note: This may take a long time.

Okay, I mean, it wouldn't go exactly like that, just because I copy and pasted the WikiHow on how to break up with someone and remain friends.

But, you know, it's pretty much the same thing.


Alex said...

dude, pretty creative

08 said...

basically, it's advocating dishonesty. I understand accepting blame and not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings, but if they CHEATED on you, then you need to let them know that that's a problem.

Martha Vega said...

This reminds me of that episode in The Office where Steve Carell downloads those negotiating tips from Wikipedia.

Anonymous said...

wait do you mean breaking up as roomates or breaking up with a bf?

08 said...

yes! or when Phyllis downloads 'how to deal with difficult people'