The Late Meal - 04.12.08

Your favorite meal of the day... served hot, and a week late.

Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa - Earlier this week, the current Editor-in-Chief of the Prince apologized to University Dining Services workers "who felt personally slighted or misrepresented" by last Thursday's article and for "issues of balance and accuracy" on the part of the Prince editors. However, still no word yet on whether the Managing Board from two years ago will apologize to Asians across America for similar reasons.

The Tory debates Chastity Center - Once again, our friends over at The Tory show that they are out of touch with reality. Everyone knows that we already have a chastity center here on campus. It's called the E-Quad.

College Council Budgets Unequal - When pressed by angry college councilors on why their budgets were unequal, Dean of the College Nancy W. Malkiel quelled the impending controversy and, in an Obama-style rhetorical flourish, laid out her broader vision for the campus:

"Unequal budgets are just a part of the University's larger plan to have the residential colleges supplant the eating clubs. In order to do that, the residential colleges must first compete with the eating clubs, and to do that, they must mirror the eating clubs themselves. First, our focus groups had determined that Princeton students really like exclusivity, so we instituted the College Nights as a way to rival the Street's Pub Nights, while increasing the number of members-only events across all colleges. Now, we realize exclusivity isn't good enough, and must redirect more our efforts towards creating a more inequitable and class-based environment - much like Prospect Ave. Hence, Whitman is our shadow Ivy, Forbes is our parallel Charter, and Wilson is our soon-to-be Campus..."

Then, channeling her inner Orwell, Malkiel declared:

"All colleges are equal, but some colleges are more equal than others."

Thanks, Big Sister.

Do you Read the Prince Over Breakfast? - If so, this is a great article to kill your appetite.

Campus Club Asbestos Deemed Not Dangerous - I had no idea that there was a such thing as 'good' asbestos (perhaps it's like a benign tumor or high-density lipoproteins?). If so, I couldn't think of a sillier way to inform and reassure the public of this fact than through a student newspaper. "That asbestos? In Campus? Nawww, it's not dangerous. The freshmen journalists* over at the Prince told me so."

Creative Thesis Slots Highly Prized by '09s - A university having a quota on creativity? Welcome to Princeton.

Keller '63 Donates $25 Million - The money will go towards "encouraging the integration of engineering and the liberal arts." Thank goodness. Now, the E-Quad may not be known as the Chastity Center after all!!

*For the record, I used to be a freshman journalist.