Friday, January 9, 2009

The Zimmerman Telegram

A round-up of the week's events with Zach Zimmerman '10

Endowment could fall 25 percent
Following Yale’s announcement that its endowment had fallen 25 percent, President Tilghman sent an e-mail to the University community regarding Princeton’s economic position. In the e-mail, she writes, “Yale has taken a bold step in letting its endowment drop 25 percent, and Princeton is proud to join them in this new and exciting initiative.” This comes in a long line of Princeton being the first to be second.

Wilson School Dean may go to State Department
Wilson School Dean Anne-Marie Slaughter ’80 will likely become the head of policy planning at the Department of State under Hilary Clinton. To do so she will step down as dean, and newspaper headlines across America will be mistaken for a John Grisham novel: Slaughter in the State Department.

Bond ’60 will not seek re-election to Senate
Senator Christopher “Kit” Bond ’60 announced this week he will not seek re-election in 2010. His colleagues on the Hill expressed that they will certainly miss him, but that they won’t miss hearing him introduce himself at parties as “Bond. Senator Bond.” Now, he’ll have to settle for “Bond. Kit Bond,” which just makes him sound like an jackass.
Of course, while Bond ’60 will not seek office, there are rumors M may seek a place in the House of Representations, and Pussy Galore is in talks to head up the Ways and Means Committee.

P-Rides student workers displaced
The University’s new TigerTransit system has eliminated the need for a student-driven P-Rides Express shuttle. Bob Johnson ’10, a rider who is disappointed about the decision, said “Man, I’m really gonna miss all the great awkward conversations I had and the faint echoes of Motown music on the van radio.”

Many other riders are also disappointed by the loss. No longer will students be able to be picked up by a white van with an unknown driver.

Unless they want some candy...

Escaped inmate apprehended
“Marc Harris, an inmate who escaped from a Montgomery Township facility Tuesday morning was caught early Thursday in Vineland, roughly 80 miles south of Princeton.” Unfortunately, my give-a-shit radius is set at 75 miles.

Alumnae in Service
The Prince ran a series on three prominent “alumnae in service” this week with current newsmakers Elena Kagan ’81, Meg Whitman ’77, and Lisa Jackson GS ’86. This marks the first time in Prince history that the photo above the fold has been related to the surrounding articles.

In lesser known news, an early morning printing error at the Prince made the first batch of papers look like the women's community service was for a different reason:

(I went ahead and touched up Whitman's side poofs while I was in Paint. You're welcome, Meg!)

Worst Week Ever
...No, that's it. It actually is the worst week ever.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I love you ZZimmerman, I love you.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic as always, Zach. Keep it up.

Anonymous said...

Well done as usual, ZZ. Keep 'em coming...and tell the Daily Prince to feature this more prominently on the site!