Friday, August 15, 2008

Guess what, guys! We are the 0.0000001% of the world.

Apparently the P'12 facebook group makes for a good read. At least we know the freshmen aren't boring!

Allow me to paraphrase:
Dear Class of 2012,

I invite you to nurture a sense of entitlement now that you have proven yourself superior to the rest of the human race. You should try everything, regret nothing, and break a lot of laws while you're at it. Pain = gain. Also, please do conquer the planet.

Add some bizarre analogies, a couple hundred words, and a steadily declining coherency, and you've pretty much got Stephany Her RoyalHighness's much-acclaimed post in the Princeton 2012 facebook group.

A facebook search no longer turns up her name, but the Princeton directory still admits that she exists. Gawker also makes its sarcastic response, although appropriately enough, I found the post just as hard to wade through as Stephany's manifesto. (And if you really don't care where we went to college, what are you doing reading IvyGate? Actually, for that matter, what am I doing reading IvyGate?)

As for the speech itself, it was literate enough for facebook, a cross between pep talk, commencement speech, and fanatic anti-sermon. Numerous SAT-type grammatical errors, but who am I to nitpick.

And maybe I'm not in the best of mental states, but I do think I could find some motivation in her speech. I tend to find more amusement, though, especially since she seems to lose interest by the end and her rousing missive rapidly frays to inanity:
This is the death of dynasty. The authorities may make the rules, they may think they have control, but we cannot forget we are Princeton. We are her blood and her bile. And we are the generation they have never seen before.
We are the anti-Christs to save the world from the mercy of God, the self-pity that festers within the masses. Religion is the opiate of the masses, so drug them until they are nothing but slaves at your will. You have deserved this. You are Hitler the fourth, Alexander the Great the Second, Napoleon the Fifth, here to destroy the world we know.
We are history because we are the winners.
Anyway, I'm pretty glad I'm not '12, because I'd sure hate to be Princeton's bile. I'm fairly certain that '11 is at least marginally less disgusting, like marrow or adrenaline or something.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey, she's hardly the first inexperienced person who thinks that a little "hope"-ful rhetoric means she should rule the US.

ECLiPSE said...

Great. Another one of these overly dramatic Asian girls. We all know of at least one each year, we may all know at least one from back in HS, and it's fact that they exist to flood the internet with vacuous posts.

It's college. Are we SUPPOSED to have a pep talk before we enter? I've been able to make it through my first year probably because I was able to really block out all the talks of the "amazingness of college!!11!", and although I can hardly admit to trying everything and living every moment, I can confidently say that I have made my time worth while.

The fact of the matter is, I wouldn't expect anything less from a current generation of people who don't really think about what they post on the internet, a la Harvard student who often talked of her sexual experiences and was also dating her professor and put up a photo of him. There's just a tendency for asian females to post and be overly open, and as an asian myself, I can understand why--we're pushed for action by our parents and some of us think that we have amazing oratory skills and all the "leadership" jazz we've been put through, so I would not have expected anything less from '12. Just goes to show how the drama will pick up.

[snarkiness]
"Pain is weakness leaving the body"
...nooo...that's your virginity that's leaving
"Try everything once [...]. What do you have to lose? When you risk everything, you have anything to gain."
...more like when you crash and burn, we can all laugh at you because even though college is the time to "try new things", you will always be remembered as the guy who decided to tried erotic asphyxiation, or the girl who thought that her carefree attitude was cute but actually caused everyone to call her a slut, or the one poster on The Prox who wasted a good part of his/her midsummer's night, typing away at the keyboard, with no one to hear him but the own voice in his head
[/snarkiness]