Thursday, October 2, 2008

Making It Fun Again!

I love my girlfriend, but the sex is getting kind of boring. It always happens the same way: kissing, then touching, then we spend a little time giving oral to each other, and then we have sex in missionary and/or doggy. She’s pretty good at it, and she seems to enjoy what I’m doing too, but it’s just so predictable! I don’t want to hurt her feelings. What can I/we do?

Well there are some really easy ways to spice things up without even actually changing the sexual elements much, such as changing location or introducing some role play into your sex lives. Even though the progression of things sexually may be pretty much identical, the situations bring something new. This would be especially true if you choose a more public location, which can add the exhilarating possibility of being caught. Roleplay makes things a lot more fun, and very little costuming is needed to make things exciting. Some of my favorites are Professor and Overachiever-Who-Wants-an-A-and-is-Willing-to-do-Whatever-it-Takes, Boss and Employee-Who-Wants-a-Raise, Cop and Person-Who-Doesn’t-Want-A-Speeding-Ticket, and strangely enough, Repairman and Housewife. Don’t feel as though you need to follow traditional gender roles with these things either, sometimes that makes things even more fun!

As for the sex itself, that doesn’t have to be difficult either. About why you’re in this position in the first place, I think that at least in part sex “ruts” are always related to a feeling that since you’ve found what works there’s no need to experiment, and being afraid that if you try something new it won’t work, and maybe the mood will be ruined or orgasm will be delayed or prevented. The first step then, is to stop focusing on orgasm as the end result of your sexual encounters. Create an environment and an understanding between the two of you that it’s ok to not have an orgasm sometimes and it shouldn’t be taken personally if the other person doesn’t cum every once in a while. Much of the fun in sex is experimenting and trying new things and in order to find the things you like, you have to try out some things that you may not like.

It sounds to me as if she doesn’t have very many hang ups about sex, so you’re in a pretty good position to make changes. One easy way to jumpstart things is to simply talk to each other about your fantasies or ideal sexual encounters…in detail. If there’s something you want to try, tell her! Chances are, unless it’s totally outrageous, she’ll be willing to try. Browsing an adult toy shop together is a non-threatening way to find new things to introduce into your sex lives as well. There are also tons of books on the market for the couple searching for new things to do in the bedroom. Basically, you two need to talk, and make sex more about exploration than about making sure you come so a certain end. Make the search for new things fun, and don’t be afraid to try some things even if you aren’t sure that you’ll like it. I never thought that I’d be very interested in spanking, but I gave it a chance and done right…it can be amazing. You never know what you’ll learn about each other, so just make that effort and you won’t be sorry!

What are some of your favorite bedroom accessories? What’s in your “goody drawer”?

Ohh the things I have ordered online and opened in private, leaving my mother (rightfully) clueless…so very many things….

Well, as for bedroom accessories, my current favorite is my Liberator Wedge. I told my mom that it was a “pillow”. Basically, it’s a sturdy foam wedge that you can use in order to change the angle of your body during sex play and make previously impossible or tiring positions comfortable and fun. For example, the Wedge is supposed to elevate a woman’s pelvis in such a way that when she’s bent over it, the man’s penis is more likely to hit her g-spot. A favorite use of mine is to put it under a guy’s knees while we’re in the Cowgirl position, because I can be closer to him and it gives him better leverage for thrusting, whereas without that leg support, thrusting is pretty difficult. I’ve tried the Ramp, and it’s pretty awesome as well. Another one of my favorites is a Cuff and Tether Set, which isn’t really mine but it’s currently in my room so I think of it as mine sometimes. (Don’t worry, the owner is the only one who gets to use it with me!) But anyway, while silk scarves and headbands will do the trick, there’s something to be said for a readily available Velcro cuff that’s conveniently attached to your bedpost.

But if there’s only one thing (that’s not battery operated) that I think everyone should have in his/her goody drawer, it’s a blindfold. Obviously this something that can be made easily from stuff found in your room, or can be passed off as a sleep mask, but seriously, it’s great. Even if you’re used to closing your eyes during certain parts of foreplay or oral sex, nothing can compare to knowing that even if you wanted to open your eyes, you wouldn’t be able to see what’s being done to you. It really adds an extra bit of excitement to just about everything.

As for battery-operated devices, I have 3 in my possession, but I only use one and while it gets the job done, I’m not in love with it. Alas, the search continues….

If you have a question to ask me about sex and/or relationships, send me an email at or leave a comment (anonymous, if you wish!). All questions will be kept strictly confidential so don't be shy!


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Philomena said...

An estimated 30 percent of all men are unable to control their ejaculation in most sexual encounters. This makes premature ejaculation a huge problem for many men and couples. The problem with premature ejaculation is that it spoils all the fun for both partners as nobody wants to put an end to a pleasurable activity too early.