Monday, December 1, 2008

Who needs classes when you have the Street?

It wasn’t until a sub-freezing Thursday night huddling outside Ivy with a group of strangers did the real purpose of the Street finally become apparent. It’s a question every freshman asks themselves. What makes the Street so special that we feel so compelled to go?

It can’t just be because we want to get completely smashed twice (or more) each week. No matter how stressed out we get, drinking excessively several times a week can become a bit old.

Plus, we have to admit, the Street is unique to Princeton. No other school has anything remotely similar to structure of our Eating Club system.

So the Street is special, and it’s not just a place to drink, what is it then?
It is, you see, a lesson in life.

You can scoff all you like, but in the end, you know I’m right.

The Street teaches us valuable lessons over a wide range of topics each night, lessons we can usually apply to our lives away from Princeton when we so choose to leave.

On making connections:

If you make great connections, you get passes into Ivy thrown at you! If you don’t, you get left out in the cold (literally).

On taking risks:

The choice is yours. Take off all your clothes in twenty degree weather, streak down Prospect Ave and get into Ivy or keep your clothes on and shiver outside waiting for a pass.

On dealing with other people:

If the drunken version of your crush tell you that he’s liked you since the first moment he saw you, don’t believe him.

On friendship:

Friends don’t let friends dance with each other. Especially not on the dance floor at Quad.

On avoiding dangerous places:

Asian girls should never hit up the bar at Quad after a few drinks. Certain male bartenders prey on the helplessly tipsy Asians.

On avoiding dangerous situations:

Never flirt with the bartenders for alcohol, no matter how desperate your party becomes.

On handling stressful situations:

If your friend’s best friend has just been McCoshed, comfort him by patting him on the arm and then wrestling his phone away so you can figure out exactly what’s going on.

On the day after:
If something truly horrendous and embarrassing happens, use all your might to repress the memory, blame it on the alcohol, and avoid the other person(s) involved.

On forming relationships:

There’s nothing like free-flowing alcohol and a steamy grinding dance floor to jump start a new relationship.

And last, but certainly not the least.

On the need to unwind:

Everyone needs to unwind, especially after a particularly stressful week. And your employers will totally understand if you come to work completely hung over on a Friday morning.

With all these lessons in tow, every Princetonian can be prepared for a life in society. Who cares about classes? Don’t you know that, in the end, it is the Street where you learn all your truly important lessons?


Anonymous said...

i'm sorry but this is trite and it gives the street too much credit...sorry.

Anonymous said...

A little grudge against Quad, eh?