Friday, December 5, 2008

The Zimmerman Telegram

A round-up of the week's news with Zach Zimmerman '10.

Weinstein ’09 endorses Weinberg '11 for USG VP

In an e-mail early Friday morning, current USG President Josh Weinstein ’09 endorsed VP candidate Mike Weinberg ’11, saying he has the experience and leadership to serve. Weinstein also endorsed Weinman for Academics Chair, Weintractor for Social Chair, and for Freshman Class Senator he endorsed Weinhippopotomus.

Weinstein’s e-mail marks a severe break in precedent as current USG Presidents normally do not endorse candidates in the upcoming race. He also recently broke with precedent by running naked down the halls of Fine rubbing vegetable oil on his stomach screaming “Don’t spank me, Mommy. I’ve been a good boy!”

Nassons collaborate with Ben Folds

The Nassoons teamed up this week with singer-songwriter-piano-player-god-on-earth Ben Folds. They recorded Fold's song 'Time' for his new album of college a cappella covers. The CDs are expected to fly off the shelves since why listen to Ben Folds sing his own songs when you can hear fifteen skinny college boys sing it without instruments? Too Nassoon?

University mourns Mumbai loss
A memorial service was held outside Murray-Dodge Hall on Wednesday in remembrance on the terrorist attacks in Mumbai. In attendance were around seventy students and faculty members, who reflected on the attacks through a candlelight vigil. Two grad students, however, only came because they mistakenly thought there was going to be a candlelight dinner.

Deepika Govind ’10, of the South Asian Students Association, encouraged the audience to fully understand the conflict, saying it “cannot be reduced to a political tug-of-war between two countries.” She did, however, believe the conflict could be well understood as a political potato sack race.

Diemand-Yauman '10 unopposed for USG president

Connor Diemand-Yauman ’10, the third-year incumbent for 2010 Class President, will be the next USG president. In light of having only one candidate running for the office, an election will still be held pitting Connor Diemand against Connor Yauman.

Swastika graffiti found in Rocky

A swastika was found drawn on a student’s whiteboard in Witherspoon earlier this morning. Public Safety believes the likely culprits were two males unaffiliated with the University. However, other suspects include the member of the Prince staff who needed to fill the below-the-fold Campus Life section of today’s paper.

D’Souza and Singer debate God, morality

Peter Singer and Dinesh D’Souza debated in Richardson on Wednesday over the question, “Can there be Morality without God?”
In summary: Singer: Yes. D’Souza: No.

At the conclusion of the event, moderator and Princeton Professor Eric Gregory declared the winner of the debate to be the very attractive programs. They were printed on really pretty glossy paper.

To Do:

The arts community has essentially blown its load this weekend on campus, so here’s a brief run-down of what’s going on:

Check out an original student work, We Like to Cross Dress, in the Matthews Acting Studio. Or you can head over to Theatre Intime to catch Sex on a Saturday Night 2. Or if you want to sit through three hours of sort-of knowing what people say, Merchant of Venice is in Whitman. And, of course, if you want to have the best time of your life ever, like EVER, like you will tell your babies about it when you have babies, Quipfire! has shows in Intime at 11 all weekend. Reservations at

Worst Week Ever:

It was a bad week for the guy who is supposed to make jokes about Prince articles when the Prince decides to run three front-page stories about the Mumbai terrorist attacks

....Mumbai next week!


'09 said...

Brilliant, as usual. Keep it up, Zach.

Anonymous said...

As much as I enjoy the normal humor of your posts, I'm not sure poking fun at the Mumbai Terrorist Attacks is quite appropriate. Though you were joking about the two grad students going to a "candlelight dinner" and the fact that the person making jokes about the Prince's articles had the "worst week ever" because of the Terrorist Attacks, I think making light of the situation only trivializes this incredibly tragic event that has touched the lives of several Princeton students who either lost friends or family members in this terrorist attack. While humor can be appropriate for less serious events, I am appalled at how flippantly you write about this tragedy. I assume you wouldn't be doing this if something like this happened in America. Please keep the sentiments of our many international students or even students who had parents in Mumbai at the time (for example... me) in mind before writing such a callous article.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, as usual. Keep it up, Zach.

'09er said...

Well done, Zach. I especially enjoy your clever retitling of the theatre events this week.

Anonymous said...

"At the conclusion of the event, moderator and Princeton Professor Eric Gregory declared the winner of the debate to be the very attractive programs. They were printed on really pretty glossy paper."


Anonymous said...

Incredibly hilarious...and I don't think the Mumbai comments were inappropriate at all- there were no derogatory comments made towards the importance of the attacks and even if there had been- this article is a satire...he is JOKING.

On a more serious note...whose parents go to Mumbai?