Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Hey Undergraduate Admission, Profile Me!!! Pick Me!!!

Have any of you seen those Student Profiles on the Undergraduate Admission site? I know I stalk the hell out of them with an envious right clicker finger. Every year I write to Undergraduate Admission, begging them to profile me on their site. Why, you may ask? Aside from the narcissistic pleasure I would reap from seeing a gorgeous photo of myself plastered on the web, I also know I would contribute a vital element of diversity to the student group profiled. While almost all of the students on this site are pursuing certificates in finance while chairing at least two committees and participating in at least three extracurricular activities, there are many students on campus who just want to slide by without any Honor Code violations and the most respectable GPA they can tear from the tiger’s claws. Some students, like me, just want their mommies. Admission does not profile these students, but I think it would make high school seniors a lot more comfortable in applying if they see that sometimes the Admission committee slips up and accepts someone who doesn’t quite fit into the Princeton mold. So throw in an app, there’s hope for everyone! After all, not everyone can have the quintessential Princeton experience. That’s diversity!

But Undergraduate Admission won’t post my profile, so I’ll just momentarily take advantage of my position as sole arbiter of the Prox’s content and post it myself.

The Blogstress ’11
Scotch Plains, NJ

The Blogstress ’11 came to Princeton because it was her best acceptance and just swallowed up the fact that it was only 50 minutes away from home.

From the age of seven, she practiced violin and in middle school, she started learning the viola. After devoting countless hours of practice and playing in heaven knows how many orchestras, she tried out for the Princeton University Orchestra her first week of freshman year and was promptly rejected. But at least the conductor took the time to sneer at her.

After playing ultimate Frisbee with Lady Clockwork for a year and a half, she realized she hated the game and quit. But fortunately, she met her future roommates and best friends on the team so it wasn’t a total loss.

But let’s move on from the extracurricular activities, because The Blogstress came to Princeton with academics as her primary focus. Hoping to pursue a health-oriented profession, she loaded her schedule up with pre-med requirements and busted her back to nail the average on the head as often as possible. Seeing herself firmly ensconced in the bulky portion of the bell curve was always a cause for a celebratory sigh of relief before cracking open the orgo text again.

The Blogstress has made terrible errors in course selection almost every single semester and will not graduate with a single certificate in anything. Perhaps Alex Rosen ’11 will lend her one of his, as his Admission Profile seems to indicate he can spare one.

The Blogstress has encountered so many sadistic preceptors and professors over her seven semesters here that she has lost count completely. She now fully understands that success in the humanities and social sciences is based on either one of two things. 1. How successfully you flirt with your preceptor or 2. The Stair Method. (Preceptor closes eyes and throws all papers onto the stairs, labeled A-, B+, B, B, B-, B-, B-, C, C, C. Your grade depends on which step your paper lands on).

At this point in her college career, she really just wants her mommy. She wants to go home, cuddle her golden retriever, take a nap and then wake up as Julia Vill ’12, who plans on majoring in economics and is pursuing a finance certificate while also being an accomplished dancer. Or perhaps as Ashley Mitchell ’11, who also seems to have her act together according to the Student Profiles.

If the Blogstress takes away one piece of knowledge at graduation, it will be that she wants to be her own boss. She will not kowtow to a preceptor/professor disguised in business casual to determine her level of self-satisfaction. She has realized that it is much better to be the one passing judgment upon others rather than to be the one bearing the brunt of such decisions. But nonetheless, she will slosh through the rest of this year, and hopefully leave this University with a diploma and a few friends with whom to recall her good ol’ college days years down the road.

Love and kisses,

The Blogstress


P'08 said...

She does nevertheless have a very shapely pair of legs and a tastefully casual sartorial sense (which unfortunately does not extend to footwear)

Anonymous said...

I'm blown away by your style and wit.

Anonymous said...

Best blog post ever!

Anonymous said...

Didn't you mean you just want your mommie AND daddy.

Anonymous said...

And siblings? Wonderful, caring siblings who buy you shirts? (A fine piece of work. So proud.)